Yesterday was quite the day with little Cannon. To start the day off we have 9:00 church and Cannon did not want to sit still for 5 seconds. Cannon will be 15 months in a week and it's a ridiculously hard age for church. He's not old enough yet for nursery, (although we have taken him twice because the nursery leader just told us too, but he didn't do that great) and the books and toys and snacks I had packed for him weren't cutting it. He just wanted to walk around, everywhere. Ughhh. We were exhausted after church and so was Cannon.
Because Cannon was acting super sleepy and cranky during church I knew for sure that he'd take a really long nap and wake up happy and refreshed..... Wrong! Cannon woke up after 45 minutes crying and crying and crying. I tried to let him cry it out and then I went in and put his binky in his mouth and that upset him even more. He has been sick the last couple of days with a cold so that has been the biggest reason for his crankyness, but the real reason he was being so cranky and ornery was because he was over tired. So I got him out of his crib, tried to rock him, sing to him, play with him, anything to get him to stop crying and he just wouldn't. When he acts like this and I can't do anything to calm him down I start to get super frustrated, so I put him back in his crib, woke up Marc from his nap and just said, "Your turn."
I was having a poor me moment yesterday and started to feel really bad that I'm Cannon's mother and I couldn't do anything to calm him down. Shouldn't I be able to? Then I started being dramatic and told myself that Cannon doesn't even like me. Here's the truth, I know that Cannon loves me and there are moments that I'll never forget when he shows me. Honestly though, those moments don't seem to happen very often. Cannon hates to cuddle, he doesn't like to hold hands and he only kisses me when I tell him to or bribe him to. I feel like he's not as attached to me as other babies are with their moms. Cannon has a very independent, low maintenance personality and there are times when I feel super lucky and grateful that he is like this. He easily entertains himself and for the most part has a mellow, easy personality. But there are many times that I just wish he'd let me rock him and snuggle him and I wish he'd slobber me with kisses all day!
Although I wish Cannon were more affectionate with me, I wouldn't change a thing about him. I truly love everything about my little man and even though I have rough days with him, there are many, many more wonderful and happy and precious days with him. Him and Marc are my everything and I am grateful to have them in my life. Rough days with Cannon just make me appreciate the good times with him!
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